As I age I find that different parts of scripture and the spiritual life give me comfort where I never needed comfort before. Let me give you two examples (I hope I don't shock you too much).
First (and I've shared this before), it gives me comfort to know that lots of God's children don't act right. They might do horrendous things. Name a sin and there is probably a few of God's children who have done it or are doing it.
Why does this give me comfort?
Because Father God is the perfect parent and He still has problems with His children. So when I have problems with my children I think of God the perfect parent and realize it very likely isn't my fault. Children, no matter what age they are, are individuals. Yes, we guide them, but when they get to a certain age they make their own decisions. Whether good or bad, those decisions are theirs. They might embarrass us or make us proud, but we can't take credit for their actions.
Second, Psalm 18:26 says, "To the pure you show yourself pure, but to the wicked you show yourself hostile."
I know we don't want to call ourselves or our children wicked, but sometimes, very often, we are. Anytime we don't do things God's way we are doing it the anti-God way and being anti-God is wicked. Any kind of rebellion is wicked. This verse came to my mind today after I had to threaten my son by telling him I would withhold all the cookies from him if he didn't get his clothes put away. Okay, it isn't a scary threat, but for him, cookies are important. So I think my threat probably is working.
I hate to have to use threats with my kids, but sometimes threats are all that work. We could also call them consequences. If they do this, then A happens; or if they do this, then A doesn't happen.
Consequences are a part of life. God uses them with us too. He'd rather us just do what we know we are supposed to do, but sometimes our flesh wants something NOW and so we satisfy that lust for whatever and we have to pay for this rash behavior.
So, I guess threats aren't bad (the nonviolent kind that is). Sometimes they are necessary.
One word of caution though when dealing with kids who frustrate you. Don't get angry. If you're angry tell them you'll come back later and deal with the situation then. Anger can quickly escalate into bad things. Instead, find humor in the situation. I'm working on this one myself.