But I get different stories from my kids.
My oldest child, almost 18, asks me often, "Mom, are you happy? Mom, are you okay?"
And my youngest child, age 10, says to me, "Mom, you're living in a mountain of sorrow."
They say this stuff or ask these questions and I say, "Yes, I'm happy."
I'm not walking around crying. I'm doing the day stuff. I smile a bit. I'm reading. I'm doing the routine. I'm not neglecting my appearance (too much anyway) and my house is getting cleaner than it ever has been.
But when I was telling a friend about my children's concerns I realized that the lilacs blossoms didn't bring joy to my heart like they normally do. Usually the days of lilac blooms have me singing. I absolutely adore the way they look and the way they make the air smell. I am picking them and putting them in vases in my home. I even took some to church today to set on the piano during the service.
But they haven't made me giddy. I haven't drank in their sweetness.
There must be something to what my kids are talking about.
I really am trying.
But guess what -- something today made me so happy. I felt it. I actually felt happiness.
I was thinking of my up and coming trip back to my parents' home with my two youngest children. There is a small local zoo there we will visit. I didn't think there were any elephants there anymore. There used to be one named Kathy Shaboom. I knew she must have died by now.
But my mom tells me, "Yes they have elephants. They have two."
That made me so happy! I love elephants. I absolutely love to see them live. When we go to the circus each year all I wait for is when the elephants enter the ring. We sit on the side where they walk in. I can reach out and touch them.
They make me so happy. I don't know why. I know it sounds silly. When they enter the circus arena I get a huge smile on my face. I can't help it.
AND, this zoo has giraffes and you can buy tickets to hand-feed them!
Thinking about these animals and knowing I'll get to be close to them soon is making me happy. I actually felt happy today. I smiled and laughed....oh it seems so silly that thinking about seeing these animals would bring me such joy.
But it does.
God is so good. He is so faithful. We just need to trust Him no matter what we are going through.
Even if we don't understand we can trust Him.
I love you Jesus!