Boy, did I mess up royally last night. Things didn't go as I had thought and I had been told they would go and I got mad at God. I know He doesn't deserve it. I know He is in control and is choosing the very best for me, but I didn't want the best last night. I wanted good enough for my life. And when I had this temper tantrum because of spiritual things it affected my family. My oldest daughter got mad because Mom wasn't who I normally am. I messed up her world. My oldest son encouraged me to have faith. My three youngest wanted to give me hugs and tell me it was okay. I got over myself but ...well, I guess I am human.
This is what I wrote in my journal this morning: Lord, a big part of me wants it easier . . . but I also want my kids to learn to walk by faith, to live for You all the time -- to -- oh Lord, please help me want what you want -- what You're doing for me. I want what You want. Please get my mind and emotions in line with Your will.
I'm not there yet. So, I guess I'll keep praying the prayer I wrote above for myself. I hate it when I'm human (see, I have a lot of work to do spiritually....God loves the human me).