It must be because winter is approaching faster than we humans realize -- the flies have gotten so active and annoying inside the house. I bought a pack of fly strips (one of three remaining packs in Eagle Butte). My dear husband hung them up. And if you have used fly strips, you know how ugly they are. But the ugly is worth it. It has limited the flies buzzing around our faces and around our heads. These ugly strips are exactly what we needed.
And sometimes ugly is not what you need -- like you never need it. I mean ugly in the soul. When that soul ugly rears its head in me I get disgusted. I shouldn't be surprised. I'm saved by grace but I'm still a sinner. I can still have very selfish moments and times when I think this world should be run by my rules. None of that works ever. It just irritates me and reveals the ugly that is still woven through me. Bit by bit God is getting rid of that ugliness, but this side of heaven I am pretty sure there will always be threads of it in me.
When we see ugly in ourselves feeling frustrated does no good. Maybe that is a sign of pride anyway. I vented to my husband, then went outside and did a bit of watercolor painting. One of the fabulous things about heaven is that we won't have to deal with Self any longer. That part of ourselves we are called to die to daily. The sin self. The self that tells you do things your way rather than Jesus's way. All that will be gone in heaven. What a relief that will be. We'll feel so much lighter and freer and clean! Halleluia!