If you have one of these kids, you know they need boundaries. You know they need consequences. But you might be at the point you are so tired of the fighting you give in a whole lot easier than you used to.
My husband who has been a cop for a long time and who has taught cops to be cops for a long time is incredible with this kind of thing for it is a trait law enforcement officers have to have with people they arrest. They gotta keep their cool.
And that's what we parents have to do. You do that by making very clear boundaries and very clear consequences and sticking to them. Do not get emotionally drawn into any kind of disagreement about it. Their behavior was a choice. They knew the consequences (that's why they have to be very clear) and they chose it. So they deal with the consequences.
Let them hate you. Let them stomp off. Let them have a pity party. They still have to deal with what they chose. If you stick to this it gets a whole lot easier. Realize the task you've been given by God is to raise this son or daughter to be responsible and kind and hopefully full of faith. You do your part. You stick to the boundaries you've told them and you never let them go.
Being understanding in an area where they constantly try to get more won't work. Sometimes all they can understand is losing something they didn't want to lose. At times it might seem harsh, but again they knew the consequences.
If behavior changes long-term you can grant them other privileges or relook at everything. But if you're having constant fighting about a certain issue this is what you have to do.
Yeah, it would be easier to give in, but what will the child become if he or she gets his/her way in this way? A spoiled grownup who is a child emotionally. Our society has plenty of them. Plenty! We need to try and not add to that population.
If you've spent your time parenting trying it another way, you can start this at any time. You can draw that line in the sand and tell them, enough is enough. You don't need a heart attack. You don't have to destroy your inner peace over stupid issues. You don't have to waste emotional energy on this kind of thing. You've tried one way. It hasn't worked. You don't want to get the same results so you gotta do something different.
Your kids might say they hate you. They might get so angry they say all kinds of nasty things. But they chose the consequences. Put the responsibility on them.
You just gotta be very clear from the very beginning.
Not all kids need these kinds of boundaries. I've had both kinds. And I've had one that was kind of in between and confused me to no end.
All we can do is do our best. I hope this will help some of those weary parents out there.