I can hear it -- you're condemning yourself because it is so hard to love that one person. Okay, maybe you love that person because you do your best to do what you are called to do for that individual, but you sure don't want to hang out with that person. It's just easier to avoid him/her. So you do.
But then you get this nagging sensation inside that says avoidance isn't really how God intended you to love that person. He wants to teach you how to actually enjoy being with that person.
Impossible, you say. He/She gets on my nerves. He/She pushes my buttons. He/She brings out the worst in me!
Could that be the problem?
Could it be that he/she brings out such negative reactions in you -- reactions within that are downright ugly? Reactions that shame you?
Okay, maybe it doesn't happen all the time with this individual, but it happens enough that you are wary of being around him/her. You put your guard up. You close your heart off from him/her.
But in some weird way this just makes it worse. Because when you have a hard heart you can't enjoy anything. You get brittle all over and all that person will feel in your presence is yuck or condemnation or disapproval -- something negative.
What if, instead, you were vulnerable? What if you admitted your shortcomings, your humanness in loving him/her? Maybe if you let go of the pride of thinking you should be better than a sinful human you will be free from this performance-based love?
We all are sinners.
We all are going to have someone in our lives who is hard to love. Hey, we might be that person in someone else's life.
It isn't that person's fault. Well, they may make it difficult, but God is bigger than our faults. God loves us when we are unlovable and calls us to do the same.
Be vulnerable. Admit your limits. Admit you can't do it. Let go of your need to be great at relationships. Admit you have problems with being a friend, sibling, parent, child (whatever the relationship is) and then let God work. He'll triumph over the issue. And you will experience freedom.
Our lack makes room for God's love.