This book is different. The author/editor Mary Carver comments on Sara's own blog posts. Sara was an incredible woman, but what makes this book different is that Sara shares honestly -- her struggles, her challenges, her bad attitudes at times. She's real. And yes, there is that part where she is an inspiration to everyone who knew her and who read her blog posts, but she would never have called herself a super saint. She is a person I wish I could have met.
Why I share this is that this book is helping me come to terms with something today.
I travelled to Rapid City yesterday with two of my sons: Pete and Hawken. We each had an appointment with a doctor/therapist.
That is the last time we all three will go together. It was really rough on me physically (so of course emotionally) to handle Hawken and Pete. Hawk is in a wheelchair and Pete uses a walker. Pete and I had great conversations there and back (so much so that I forgot to take a turn on the way there and didn't even notice until we ended up in the wrong town), and that was wonderful; but the actual physical work it took me to get both my boys places has gotten to be too much for me. This makes me sad.
A lot of Sara's blog posts talk about her continually coming to terms with the inability to do the things she used to do (after a while she daily lost skills). Her situation was much more severe than mine will ever be, but reading about how she dealt with it (how at first it was hard but then she found peace in the midst of her limitations) is helping me today.
Some things help me in this: I am thankful my husband is here full-time now (last winter he was only home part-time due to his main job being somewhere else). He does the daily driving in this snowy winter which makes my day-to-day life with Hawk easier. And I am so thankful for the physical strength God has given him (he is physically the strongest person I have ever met). And I am thankful I can still sit on his lap (we will be married for 23 years in May) and rest against his chest for this coming-to-terms with limits can be tough (even when it is a little limitation).
I believe that if a person really wants to do something, there is nothing that can stop her. I believe we should pursue our dreams wholly. I believe we should not settle for second-best. If we have a passion for something, we ought to go for it with everything we've got.
Yet, this must be balanced with the understanding that sometimes we can't do everything. Sometimes we can't do all we want to do. Presently this sounds kind of self-defeating to me, but it isn't, because this life isn't about me. It is about God. It is His story, not mine. Mine is woven into His but my story is just a vignette within the Story.
Two scriptures come to mind:
"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.'" 2 Corinthians 12:9
"'All flesh is like grass, and all its loveliness is like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades . . . But the word of our god stands forever.'" Isaiah 40: 6-8
There is comfort for me in those verses.
God is good, so very good.