I even said, "It just isn't fair."
It isn't. But I know God is a good God and He loves Hawk more than I ever could. He knows what is best for Hawken. I don't doubt any of this.
So then I read 1 Corinthians 7:17. It says "let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him."
I asked Pete why Hawk had seizures while he was eating his breakfast cake (I was out of milk for cereal). He said, "What's the point of anything?"
And then I started getting a bit bummed out about it all and one of my other kids who I rarely hear from. And a word popped into my head, "steward."
Stewards are managers, not owners.
We are called to be "stewards of the mysteries of God." 1 Corinthians 4:1.
God loves a good mystery. He creates new ones all the time! Just think -- all people are mysteries. I'd never thought about His mysteries including people before (often mysteries of God are talking about the gospel and Christ coming to earth and the power of salvation and the Holy Spirit living in Believers, etc), but people are mysteries. What is it, other than understanding a mystery, when we begin to know a person?
Proverbs 25:2 says, "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, But the glory of kings is to search out a matter."
Sure, Hawk's life isn't ideal, but he's happy. He's usually very healthy. All his needs are met. He gets chocolate frequently. He is loved and he knows it. The best place to be in the world when you have disabilities is the USA. If he'd been born in another culture maybe he wouldn't have lived. I don't know. Plus, because of him God blessed three kids with homes, three kids who wouldn't have had homes if not with us.
I think of Christians across the seas where so much persecution goes on. That isn't fair either. Yet, God is with them. He emboldens them in their faith. They experience blessings we will never experience in our current culture.
God works through injustice and suffering and questions in ways He could never work through blessings.
Learning to live with a lot of unknowns is powerful and a great feat for God's kingdom. It's a lesson we all should learn.