I was dealing with anger -- the on-edge-irritating type. I wasn't angry at anyone in particular. I knew my mindset wasn't right (I also told my husband we couldn't watch any FBI shows for a while cause I had some really yucky dreams -- a man was plotting to murder (and cut into pieces) my youngest son).
Plus, there was something I needed to do this morning that I didn't want to do, but sometimes we have to do those kinds of things.
To attempt to get myself to a better place mentally I wrote down a list of things I was thankful for this morning. I wrote down:
1. Shannon's hives are gone.
2. My kids are healthy.
3. Hawk's bed is dry so far this morning.
4. The garbage got picked up yesterday.
5. The spring-like weather.
6. The small stones I found yesterday (while cleaning) that Shannon can use in his jewelry making.
7. There has been no flooding in the snow thaw in our area.
8. Flowers are beginning to peek out of the soil.
It didn't help immediately. Sometimes the remedy we need is slow acting cause it has to soak in deep. We can get impatient. I do.
A few minutes later an unexpected blessing appeared. On other days I would have been ecstatic. Today I was humbled. Father God was doing what He said does -- taking care of us.
Maybe some of my anger was me being mad at God for not doing what I wanted Him to do in my time. I don't think I was mad at Him but I probably had a bit of a spoiled-child attitude in me cause she wasn't getting what she wanted.
I'm so glad God doesn't bow down to our temper tantrums. Sometimes that is all our discontent is, a temper tantrum.
It isn't always this of course. Sometimes our brains act up and it is just a chemical thing (with me it is).
Even though it wasn't immediate I know that thanking God for things in my life helped. I'm still feeling humbled and silly and kind of impatient with myself. Why can't I get where I need to be within immediately? These are the kind of moments I look forward to the person I'll be in heaven.
C.S. Lewis had a great thought about that he shares in The Great Divorce. He said he thinks that when we either are in heaven or hell the time on earth will fade. First, even if we live a really long time here it is a tiny second compared to eternity. And second (and here was the neat thought -- it isn't biblical but it isn't anti-biblical. It is just a possibility), he said when we are where we are going to be he thought the time on earth will feel like the beginning of eternity.
If we are in heaven we will remember things on earth through the lense of heaven. We'll see the touch of God throughout our lives.
If we're in hell, we'll just see the time on earth as the beginning of hell. We will see everything through the lense of hell. That would be horrendous by the way. Hell is just constant suffering and torment. It isn't a big party. Please don't believe this. And the residents in hell will not be hanging out with each other. There will be no goodwill down there. There will be no sympathy or empathy. Just pain and suffering and selfishness and absolutely no touch of the Holy Spirit. It isn't a good place.
You know the Holy Spirit is in this world keeping back the evil. Evil does get through but often it is because of people's choices (we have free-will). When the Spirit leaves all hell literally will break loose. I sure hope none of us are here to feel that lostness of the Spirit. That taking away of the Spirit could actually be the wrath of God. Hadn't thought about that before. Think on that.
"'For behold, the kingdom of God is in your midst.'" Luke 17:21
There isn't anymore time. Today is the day of salvation. Believe before it's too late. Plus, letting Jesus into your life to lead it will give you such peace in the midst of anything this world can throw at you. That peace is priceless. That peace cannot be bought or earned or caught in anyway but through Christ.